Michael's Blog

LET YOUR CONSCIENCE BE YOUR GUIDE

michaelgcuk — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 14:40:51 +0000

For some time, I’ve been wrestling with my conscience. Why? At the end of last year, I contributed to such a hateful act towards someone who once meant the world to be – my best friend of 20 years and boyfriend of 6 years.

From the very beginning I started plotting this devious act, my conscience started to kick in. I began to question if what I was doing was right or wrong. In the end, I had to decide by using chance – 50/50, heads or tails. With my decision made, I set the plan in motion. First, I told his then-girlfriend about me and him in the past. She didn’t know he was Bisexual and that he dumped me for her. I needed some help with this plot, so I told her that I didn’t blame her for what he did – now I had her by my side, it was time for phase 2….making him suffer. By now, his girlfriend was fully aware of his past, and that he lied to her. So, how to make suffer – by taking away that he holds dear to his heart. She revealed to him that she knew about his past with me, but did not tell him that I was one who told her. By telling him this, and telling him that she no longer trusted him, he snapped and hit her. We both knew he would, as he has a temper, and she was willing to sacrifice herself to get rid of him. The police were called, and he was taken to jail – but only for one night. Now, he sits at home, wondering why this happened, unaware that I was the one who planned it all. He can’t come near her, or his son, for they fear he could do more damage to them.

At the time, I felt my actions were justified. I was in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer applied, only what I thought was fair. I felt I did the right thing by setting him up and locking him away. I wanted him to feel what I had felt. The feeling of loosing someone you love, and never getting them back.

However, now, my conscience is acting up again….only this time, I feel something different. I now feel remorse for I what I did. I know what I did was wrong….but I was hurt. I’m not proud of what I did. I’m not a bad person. I was just hurt. I made a mistake.

DREAMS

michaelgcuk — Sun, 24 May 2009 14:02:00 +0000

Last night I had a dream. That me and one of best friends had a major falling out. I don’t know what it was about, but it felt so real. I often wonder if our dreams are trying to tell us something – about what will happen or would could happen in our lives. He told me not to worry about it, because that will never happen. I know he’s right. Our friendship is strong and nothing will break us up.

I’M HURT

michaelgcuk — Wed, 20 May 2009 22:36:23 +0000

Earlier this evening, I was enjoying some time on Playstation Home, Sony’s Instant Messenger/Networking Game on the PS3 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PlayStation_Home). Now, unlike an IM, anyone can communicate with you without you having to add them first.

So, I’m just hanging out at PSHome, when someone, who I don’t know, came up to me at starting verbally attacking me. He called me a gypsy, fag, queer, and a few other unpleasant names. At first, I ignored him, but the insults continued. Finally, I snapped, at started to retaliate. Afterwards, I logged out of Home, and just cried. I’ve never been attacked like that before. Never, has anyone said such hurtful things like that to me before.

Now, I just want to point out, yeah I am gay and I am proud of who I am. Before I told him I was gay (which didn’t really help), he knew nothing about me. I want to know why, without getting to know me first, did he choose to verbally attack me?

I was so caught up in arguing with this pesron, I didn’t get their screen name.. I still have tears in my eyes as I write this. Doesn’t matter, it’s over now……but the pain will last a long time.

BETTER THAN EVER

michaelgcuk — Thu, 07 May 2009 21:43:23 +0000

Over the last few days, I have been through a major change. For quite some time, I was……..well, I wouldn’t say miserable, but unhappy, although I never showed it. There were times when I didn’t want to be around anyone….I just wanted to stay out of site. But all that changed within the past week. My spirits were lifted high….in fact, higher than they’ve ever been. Why? Because after holding on to the past, I finally decided to move forward and leave the memories where they belong. By doing this, I took a big step forward…it may have taken a long time, but I finally did it. But what now? I see this long, winding road…..where does it lead? Who knows? A friend told me, that this road, is life itself. And on this road, I can do whatever I choose. Well, I intend to do just that. No more living in the past, it’s time to move on, and create new memories.

Regreso…..y mejor que nunca!!!!

ABOUT ME

michaelgcuk — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:44:11 +0000

WHO AM I: Michael G. Clark (Mike and Mikey to my friends). I hate my middle name, which is why I won’t say what it is. I’m a relatively quiet individual who does his own thing, but in recent years, my life has had (and still does have) many ups and downs – some downs which I still can’t overcome. To be honest, I’m not an interesting person, and oh yeah, I’m also pretty hard on myself. I’m always dissapointed with everything I do, even though people tell me that I’m good at the things I do. My personality is genuinely split…..for real. I’m a good at heart, but sometimes can be driven to do things that many have called “out of character”. I’m no angel, but I know the difference between right and wrong. However, sometimes I have to choose which to follow, and the choices I make, may not always be the right ones. To battle these tough choices, I borrowed a trait from my favorite comic book villain – Harvey Dent (a.k.a Two-Face). I own a 2 headed silver dollar which is scratched on one side. I decided to use his idea of flipping the coin to make a decision, and to this day, I still do that, because it’s helps…..and it’s fair. OK, call me wierd, call me whatever you want, as I’ve heard them all, but if it helps me, then so be it. I generally don’t like to show my emotions. If I feel sad, I go somewhere to be by myself and let those emotions out. I’ve always been told by people to never hide my emotions, that there is nothing wrong with crying when your sad. But I just can’t let people see me like that.

WHERE WAS I BORN: Edinburgh, Scotland. Most of my immediate family live in Scotland, but we are spread across different parts of the world. Relatives in Ireland, England & America (Mother’s Side) and Italy (Dad’s Side). My dream is get off this island and see the world, visit friends and family overseas and maybe start a new life, since this one is full of misery and despair.

WHERE DO I CURRENTLY LIVE: On a street called Wardieburn in a small town called Granton in the big city of Edinburgh. I’ve lived in this part of the city for 6 years.

WHAT SCHOOL(s) DID I GO TO: Silverknows Primary School (1989 – 1996), Broughton High School (1996 – 1997), Craigroyston High School (1997 – 2001) and Edinburgh Telford College (2002)

WHERE DO I WORK: I work for an accountancy firm called Grant Thornton Chartered Accounts. I’ve worked there for almost a year. It’s a pretty cool job that pays well. It takes up most of time, but in the end, it’s worth it.

HOBBIES AND INTERESTS: My interests vary. I like Professional Wrestling, mainly the WWE. I’ve been a fan since I was very little. My parents brought me up on it. About 10 years ago, my friends and I got together and decided to put our knowledge of wrestling to the test…..by actually doing it! And to this day, we still do it. I don’t wrestle as much as I used to, due to a back injury I sustained a few years ago, which still gives me problems today. Have you ever taken a metal folding chair to the skull? I have, and it’s hurts like hell!!!! Other non-violent hobbies include graphic designing, singing and playing videos games. I am also learning to speak Spanish and I like to chat on instant messengers and on my webcam. I also enjoy filming YouTube videos.

MUSIC: I am mad for Celine Dion, Madonna, Cher, Whitney Houston and Britney Spears. Theses divas are my heroes, my inspirations and make me smile when I feel down (which is a lot right now). In high school, I was honored and privilaged to perform Celine Dion’s hit “My Heart Will Go” (It is not easy to sing). Other favorite artists include Motorhead, Rev Theory, Shania Twain, Daniel Bedingfield and Bette Midler.

VIDEO GAMES: My favorite video games are WWE Games, every Grand Theft Auto game, every Sonic the Hedgehog game, racing games, and mystery/adventure games that require a lot of thinking.

MOVIES: Comedies are #1 on my list. Anything to do with horror, action/adventure and romantic movies

TV: WWE #1. Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters, The Simpsons, Ellen DeGeneres and OPRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I sooo love her).

xxMIKEYxx